Should your elderly parent move in with you?
Households with three generations living together are on the rise….not exactly surprising given increasing bills and lower disposable income levels
More people are all talking about granny flats and conversions to help care for their parents as they age
So, how do you plan for bringing a parent to live with you and what can you do to make the transition as smooth as possible for everyone in the household?
Consider what your relationship has been like in the past
If the parent and adult child have never got along very well, preparing for such a move could be a huge temptation to try to force a relationship to work that never worked previously
You must consider whether it will work, or if you are doing it for the wrong reasons, i.e. guilt
If your relationship with your parent is poor, what impact will that have on the rest of your family who are in your home every day? Also the chances are that bringing them to live with you will not improve the situation and you may want to consider other care options instead
If, however, you always got along really well with your parent and your husband/wife and kids love her dearly, then you may be doing the right thing. You want to take care of your parent and they need help
Be aware, however, that if you work outside the home, then one day you may have to hire home help
For many people, this works beautifully and for others, it works less well to have others in your home
If you desperately want your parent to come and live with you because they need you, but your husband, or wife doesn’t like the idea, it seems wise to thrash this out with them before taking such a step
Having your parent move in has the potential to destroy a marriage and/or relationships with your children unless you have thought of all the issues and how it can affect everyone
Work out the finances
Most caregivers dive into caregiving because they want to help, but they don’t always consider that this help may go on for years
Having a parent move in with you can be a good move financially, for both you and the parent. After all, you are only paying for one residence, but it also means more expenses for food and utilities and it may even mean building on to a house, or hiring outside help.
Work out who pays for what ahead of time
Have a plan for the future
Talk about difficult subjects ahead.
Be realistic that the day may come when your elderly parent may need more care than you can give
Find out about care options, such as hiring someone to come into the home to help
However, be aware that at some point in the future, your ageing parent may need nursing care. You should not feel guilty about that if and when it happens
Plan for what you consider to be the best, but know that the outcome may not always be as you wish
Live a day at a time, but have realistic ideas about what you can do for your elderly parent
If you want to discuss these issues, or share your ideas, visit our forum
