Practical tips to get elderly parent best care

P has been keeping a close eye on his 90 year old mother for the last 14 years since his father died, but her needs have been increasing in recent years since she became afflicted with incontinence

However, his mother still lives in the former three bedroom family home by herself, and is very independent and mainly looks after herself despite her limited mobility due to a severely arthritic knee

She has had a range of home care support over the years following hospital stays for procedures and after some falls

In 2009 P noticed his mother’s short term memory had declined and that her incontinence was getting much worse

This means that during the last three years she has very rarely gone out except for medical appointment, as she’s become a prisoner of her condition

Nonetheless, she has remained very independent and upbeat

Fortunately, in 2009 P retired and was therefore able to become more involved in his mother’s care. From his experience since then he offers the following advice for others in a similar situation

Try and go to all appointments with your parent

The main reason P suggests this is that his own mother is a very together and bright person and would tell the doctor that everything was fine and deny any problems

She also tends to forget symptoms and material occurrences which can, and has led, to wrong diagnoses and/or inappropriate remedies being prescribed

By attending appointments with your parent, you are able to understand what view the medical person may be taking of your parent as they answer questions and to suggest that this view may not be entirely accurate

P’s particular experience related to when they went to see a doctor in the memory clinic about his mother’s short term memory problems and the questions that were being asked and the answers his mother gave misled the consultant to diagnose early onset dementia

P felt that that when subsequently he read the doctors report that the diagnosis given was not right, and thought that the doctor had not ensured that his mother had understood what was being asked of her in some instances, and in others had not been perceptive enough to understand what his mother meant

Some months later they saw another memory specialist who repeated the same tests, but then diagnosed simple short term memory loss unconnected with either early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s disease

Make detailed notes at every meeting

P makes notes at every meeting he accompanies his mother on relating to health and/or care, and keeps these notes on his computer

He finds this very useful to keep tabs on what has been said to them and what diagnoses have been given about her various conditions

These notes are also very useful when his mother is seeing someone new, as often specialists and care workers do not have all the information they need, particularly as GPs cannot necessarily be relied on to supply all relevant information in their referral letters, and so P can help here

Make sure you note who was at the meeting and any contact numbers, too

Keep an up-to-date note of all medication

P finds keeping an up-to-date list of all his mother’s medication, what it was, who prescribed it, the dosage and what it was meant to do is essential

P actually checks out the medication on the internet as well for another view and for possible side effects

This means at any new appointment where medication is being considered, he can show what is mother is on already, and especially what she has already tried without success and what she is allergic to, the latter having been omitted on a number of hospital admissions and referrals!

Daily blister packs of tablets

P suggests you ask your pharmacist to put a weekly blister pack containing all the medicines needed in one day divided up according to when they should each be taken. This will make them easy to remember to take, and also you can see clearly if any doses have been missed

He is particularly impressed with efficiency, helpfulness and friendliness of the staff of his local Boots Pharmacy who look after his mother’s pharmaceutical needs in conjunction with her GP surgery

Check any discharge documentation thoroughly

P finds that when his mother has been discharged from hospital stays, he needs to check everything on the discharge document, as he has come across a significant number of inaccuracies over the years, including the wrong procedure recorded and incorrect discharge medication

Question everything

P advises you to ask as many questions as you can, all the time, such as what are the side effects of drugs and treatment (e.g. procedures) being prescribed or recommended?

When to expect a follow up, who is responsible, whether there are any alternative treatments?

Whether there are any other services to which your parent is entitled

Your parent is unlikely to challenge things, but you can, and should

Monitor eating

If your parent is alone, one way you can ensure they are eating is to check what has been eaten from your parent’s food store

This can be done informally, or by keeping a list

In this way P has found that his mother has not been eating as well and as much as she maintains she has, but thinks, she is

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