Essential guide to managing changing elder care needs
As our older relatives age, their elder care needs often change, sometimes gradually and sometimes overnight. Here are our top tips on how to manage changing elder care needs:
Planning ahead is vital
No one wants to think about getting older. It’s true. At any age, when things are moving along normally day to day and everyone seems fit and well, there seems no reason to think about future problems which might and almost certainly will come along as your friends and relatives age. In fact, it might even seem a little morbid to think such thoughts, or possibly even tempting fate?
Even if you are wondering what might happen when your older relatives become frail and unable to cope by themselves without your support, are you going to be brave enough to raise the subject with them? Surely it would offend them?
Yet there will come a time when you must raise these issues and ideally, this should be before any problems arise. Encourage your parents to talk to you in general terms about their future plans, where they might like to live, whether it might be a good idea to talk to a financial adviser to ensure they have planned for future care needs and so on.
The top ten questions you should ask your older relative
There are some key questions to ask your older relative sooner rather than later. Read the top ten questions to discuss HERE
How to start a discussion with an older person when you feel they need help
It may be becoming apparent to you that your parent is coping less well than they used to, either physically or mentally. You want to help, yet sometimes it’s not always easy to broach the subject of future care with them for fear of wounding their pride and damaging their self-esteem.
You should also recognise that your parent may feel deeply concerned about their own loss of independence. So how can you raise difficult issues with your elderly parent when the time arises?
Openly discussing what they can and can’t manage in a calm way will help all of you to make the right decisions. An open, honest discussion will help both of you clarify your parent’s needs and agree on the right solutions.
DOs
- DO discuss the issues with siblingsor family to ensure you all agree on the key issues before discussing it with your parent. This might be about health issues, continuing to live alone, or management of their general finances and paperwork. Find out what the options are and how they might work for all of you, including importantly, your relative
- DO think about your parent’s viewsas well as your own. If you think ahead about their possible objections, you can answer them calmly and knowledgeably, as well as having some answers to their concerns and objections.
- DO be prepared to revisit conversationsseveral times and give your parent time to think on their own about your suggestions. If they feel under pressure, they are less likely to react positively
- DO be mindful of the fact that people in general do not like changeand the process needs to be managed gradually
- DO talk in a relaxing situation, where there are no distractions and where it is private enough to have a sensible conversation without being disturbed. Be prepared to listen and accept your parent’s viewpoint
DON’Ts
- DON’T lose your temper if your older relative refuses to discuss issues with you initially. Keep calm and you’ll get much further in the end
- DON’T let sibling rivalry and past family arguments get in the way of discussing care. It won’t help and it’s important to try to rise above it
- DON’T let differing circumstances get in the way. If someone lives closer to your older relative and another further away, divide the tasks between you in a sensible way, such as making calls and paying bills from a distance and physically popping in if you live closer
- DON’T feel guilty. You can only do your best
Discuss potential care options
There are many care options available and you should discuss them with your older relative. Just click on each link to find out more about each one:
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