How to discuss care issues with an older parent
It’s so important to talk to your parent about care issues, so that you can:
Understand how your parent is managing at the moment
- Are they eating OK?
- Are they managing to keep their house clean,?
- How are they coping with personal hygiene?
- Do they get out the house regularly or are they stating to feel lonely and isolated?
Plan ahead and start as early as possible
- Have open discussions of potential options
- These can be in general terms of where they might like more help around the home, or about the future around what type of assisted living might they consider and prefer in the future
- It’s better to know their preferences before a crisis situation occurs and decisions need to be made under pressure
Don’t give up on the conversation
- Try and bring it up again in different situations, or get other members of the family to try
- Emphasise how much it will help you if they talked about it and how it will allow you to make sure their views are taken into account should the situation suddenly arise
Try to work out if their main areas of concern
- Is it having someone in the house they don’t know?
- Are they worried that it will take away their independence? Maybe they have financial concerns?
- Once these are established, you can look at ways of addressing these, so your parent feels more comfortable about the situation
Be honest about your views and concerns on the situation
- Work out how much time you will be able to help out and explain that to them
- In particular, it will be worth discussing the other pressures on your time you have in you own life, maybe through work and your own children and how you can support them whilst still keeping a balance
- Be open about what help you can provide and ensure you come over as understanding but firm when presenting your concerns
Focus on keeping positive with your siblings or other involved family members
- This can be difficult as you may feel like not everyone is doing his or her share of involvement
- Hopefully, you are doing what you are doing because you want to help your parent
- Not everyone will be involved at the same level and you may need to accept that
- Ask for specific help at times, or hire out for certain services
Have a look around the different types of homes
- It is better if your parent will accompany you to visit possible homes, as you will both have an informed view of the types of choices available and your preferences should the situation arise
Let them know how you can practically help
- Major changes can be overwhelming and they may know it is beyond their current capacity to facilitate on their own and so, may not want to engage in the idea at all, so tell them what help you can give
Most of all remain patient and calm!
myageingparent has teamed up with Grace Consulting to offer you expert care advice
Grace Consulting provides affordable fee-based independent advice to help you choose the best care option to suit you and your relative’s needs and wishes. Our Care Advisers provide the knowledge and support you need to make the right decision for you and your family. myageingparent.com is partnering with Grace Consulting, the UK’s leading provider of personalised independent care advice, who, for over 40 years, has specialised in finding the best possible care for older people. Please note this is not an Age Concern or Age UK service.
