Preserving Family Memories
Why capture your parent on film?
A film does not just keep a person’s stories alive, it provides a reminder of what they looked like and captures the real essence of the person – the twinkle of an eye, the sense of fun, the sound of a voice or a laugh
The stories can be absorbing, but it is the way they are told – the fact that events are being relived and related all at the same time that is so evocative. As one grandfather commented after filming, “I’ve been living in the past – and I love that!”
Why don’t more people capture their loved ones on film
Many people would like to have their parents immortalised on film – but very few get round to doing it before, sadly, it is too late
There are several reasons why people procrastinate. Often they are juggling work, children and parents all at the same time – just about keeping on top of their many commitments and with little time to address projects which do not really feel time critical
(Just as we all tend to believe disasters only happen to other people, so none of us are really prepared for our parents becoming ill or dying.)
Many people lack the technical skills or confidence to make a film, or undertake an oral history project. Although modern technology has made this a lot easier, it does still take a high level of commitment.
Sadly, older people are listened to less and less. Younger people are generally preoccupied with their own lives and the role of grandparents becomes to ask about what everyone else is doing
It is a rare and very fortunate grandparent whose children and grandchildren ask them about their lives. They generally do not hear about growing up in Berlin in the 1930’s or being a fighter pilot in WW2. They may well not know that their grandfather, as a 12 year shoe shine boy, supported his whole family in New York or that grandma was once a beautiful model. They probably don’t even know about the coal man or the rag-and-bone man or what it was like to live without computers or television. (All these are subjects people have fascinated us with recently.)
On the contrary, they tend to be celebrations of lives lived – of people remembering and reflecting on their experiences to date, if you like, creating their autobiography, yet unlike a written autobiography, filming can be completed in a matter of a few hours
To avoid awkwardness, some people engineer a conversation to introduce the subject. A grandchild’s school project is a perfect route – “Grandpa, can you tell me about what happened in the war for my history class?”
Others capitalise on the new widespread interest in genealogy through programmes like “Who Do You Think You Are?” – “Mother, I’d love to know more about our family tree – can you tell me about it?”
Many people find a third party is helpful and they steer into the subject with, “I have heard of this company which makes autobiographical films for grandparents”
It can be a wonderful experience for an older person to be able to sit and talk about themselves for as long as they want
Making a film gives them the chance to be the focus of attention for a change, to reflect on their life and to feel that they and their memories are of interest and their life history is truly valued
It seems unfair to think that someone is known and remembered only for what they become in later life
An oral history film helps people see their ageing family members in the context of a whole life, a life in which they may have been spectacularly active, attractive, courageous, insightful, silly or outrageous or possess any number of qualities that may no longer seem quite so obvious
Everyone has an interesting life, even if they don’t see it that way. Some may start off by saying “I don’t really know why my children want me to make this film – I’m not really very interesting”. Then they start talking and invariably the trickle of recollections turns into a stream and eventually a flood
Each person has their own view on what their oral history should be about. Some are keen to impart what they know of their genealogy, giving details of the family ancestry and passing on stories about their forbears
Some talk about their early memories and some focus on specific incidents or chapters which shaped their whole life. Others reflect on the changes that have taken place in their lifetime – a lesson in social history for the next generation. And still others talk about their career, their achievements, their relationships or families
Whatever the theme or focus, people are surprised by new stories that they recall, which they have not thought about, sometimes for almost a lifetime and which their own children have never heard
People often astonish themselves with what they suddenly remember
Older people are often more comfortable revealing personal feelings and thoughts to a third party than they might be to a family member
Getting involved with the film-making process is stimulating and energising for your elderly relative, as well as therapeutic and is often a welcome project for someone who is perhaps slowing down or whose life has become less full
Many people become immersed in it, unearthing treasure troves of old photographs, documents (wedding certificates, ration books, etc.) and reels of cine footage, which can then be digitised and incorporated in a film or even a book
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Richard Hill and Suzanne Friend met working on the parents’ association of their childrens’ school. Suzanne ran a successful PR company until breaking off to look after her three sons. Richard was an award winning film-maker looking for a more meaningful challenge than the commercial world he worked in.
“We both regretted never filming our parents because we wished our children could have known what their grandparents were really like and could understand a little more about our families’ stories. Tapestry Pictures was born when we realised that most people feel like this and would love to preserve family memories.
Now we produce films of oral history and grandparents’ reflections, portraits of children at a particular moment in their growing up, moving tributes of all kinds, records of family life and family events. We transform boxes of family archive into watchable family films and photobooks people want to share.
Every day we see how much our projects mean to people and the care we put into each job reflects this sense of value. Anyone looking at our work will recognise its distinctive empathy, style and humour. The wonderful thing about our business is that we really believe the work needs to be done and we really love doing it.”
