Amazing Ageing

From early times to the present day, from Chinese proverbs to Goethe, it has been claimed that with age comes wisdom: the Chinese say “20 years for learning, 20 years for fighting, and 20 years for attaining wisdom”; and likewise Goethe, “The child is a realist, the young man an idealist, the man a sceptic, the old man a mystic”

As we age – that’s me, you, and your parents – there is a shift from the physical to the spiritual, from external to internal, from the outer to the inner

In spite of this, the focus in the 21st century is resolutely on delaying the physical decline of ageing through diet, exercise, Botox, beauty treatments, yoga, Pilates and Viagra. The benefits are transitory and short lived

In my book, Amazing Ageing – The Psychological Survival Manual For People Approaching Older Age, I focus on what I call the ‘inner you’, which is the part of us which includes our conscious and unconscious minds and which acts as a processing unit or control centre

It is the ‘inner you’ that makes the difference to how we age because it is this part of us that can change and grow even while the physical body is deteriorating

Having ageing parents, you will know that as they (and you) age, the challenges mount up. There is a tendency to hang on to the past, to cling to outdated values and beliefs, to become rigid in our thinking; the losses proliferate and the regrets multiply; age brings increasing isolation and loneliness; intolerance and ingratitude become the norm

What can make a significant difference to the way we all age are the four cornerstones and the six pillars of Amazing Ageing

The four cornerstones are:

• Choice. We always have a choice. We have the freedom to choose our attitude whatever the circumstances
• Letting go. We can choose to let go of what keeps us stuck and free up space for the new to emerge
• Acceptance. Faced with uncomfortable or painful situations, particularly where we are powerless to control events, accepting things exactly as they are is a powerful option
• Gratitude. People who count their blessings and are thankful for them are healthier and happier

The four cornerstones are the critical components of Amazing Ageing.  The six pillars are the icing on the cake. They are:

• Be positive. Grumpy or happy? No contest! People who choose to be positive have more energy and live longer
• Be realistic. To avoid fear and anxiety taking over, keep things in proportion by making the issues as concrete and real as we can
• Take action. Taking action reduces anxiety and helps us stay grounded. Doing something is better than worrying about it and boosts confidenc
• Be flexible. Inflexibility narrows our field of choice so resist falling into well worn patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving
• No Rules. Rules are restrictive. Throw away the rules and new opportunities can surface
• Be resilient. The more resilient you are, the more emotional bounce you will have

The cornerstones and pillars describe what we can do to age amazingly, but far more important is “How to do it?”. For example:

How To Develop Gratitude

Whatever their age, your parents can flex their gratitude muscles – and you can stretch yours too – by :

• making a list of all the things in life for which they are grateful
• appreciate themselves by writing down personal qualities which they feel to have (the book makes this easy by suggesting a list of 260 such qualities from which they can choose, so they’ll be able to find at least a couple that might be applicable!)
• do an Evening Review: Before they go to sleep at night nothing could be more restful than reviewing the agreeable things that have happened during the day. It certainly beats worrying about tomorrow! Go through the events of the day and notice the ones to be grateful for. They can be momentous: invented robotic maid, completed English-Uzbek dictionary, collected Man-Booker for second time; or they can be more commonplace: went for a swim, planted cabbages, bought Brillo pads, etc. Keep it positive and be grateful. Conclude by saying Thank You

Remember! Our bodies will decay but the ‘ inner you’ can change and grow …. and the journey can be exciting and fun. It sure beats the alternative!

David Buswell’s  chief credential for writing Amazing Ageing is that he is in his 60s and wondering how to make the very best of the life that remains. He says he has written the book he needs to read! He is a qualified Psychosynthesis counsellor, and a NLP Practitioner, Master Practitioner, and NLP Coach.  David was so curious about what are the significant differences between the hippy, happy oldsters and the Victor Meldrews that he researched the subject by reading, talking to older people individually and in groups, and by observation. He concluded two things: that successful ageing is not about the physical; and that there are almost no books about how to age well which don’t have a physical focus, so he wrote one: Amazing Ageing – The Psychological Survival Manual For Those Approaching Older Age.Outside of his working life (otherwise known as retirement), David loves walking in the Northamptonshire countryside with his dog Charlie, is a pianist, organist and choir trainer, and has cycled from St Malo to Montpellier, and round the coast of Scotland from Glasgow to Inverness. Once.