Top tips to help a bereaved parent live alone

When your ageing parent is bereaved, whether their partner’s death was sudden, or prolonged, it takes a long time for them to adjust to living alone. When people have lived together for many years and shared the day-to-day responsibilities of running the house and living together, it can be very difficult to develop new routines and to have the basic confidence to do it as one person rather than two

There are some things you can do to help a bereaved elderly relative, however

Running the household alone

Getting used to life on their own can be as challenging practically as it is emotionally

Having to take on new and additional tasks can be daunting, but there are things you can do to help your elderly parent adjust

• Help your ageing parent to make a list of everything that needs doing at home. This would include bills which need paying, regular essential shopping requirements, gardening, rubbish collection and keeping essential appointments
• Help them to decide what their priorities should be from this list.What needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly and so on and then help them to put a schedule together of what to do on which day
• If the workload seems too daunting, try to suggest to your parent that they get some help at home to help them out either temporarily or permanently if needed
• Setting up direct debit payments for you elderly relative can be a great help, so that they do not need to worry about organising to pay regular bills

Emotional support

Adjusting to life on your own has its ups and downs and it is important that your ageing parent is allowed to express their feelings, in order to come to terms with their loss

Talking can help, but your elderly relative should not be feel pressured into it

Family and friends are a natural source of emotional support, but may not always  be available for many people, or they may prefer to speak to someone who is uninvolved, such as their GP, who can advise them on how to deal with the symptoms of grief, such as sleeplessness, anxiety or depression

The GP may offer them counselling, or prescribe medication if symptoms do not improve.Professional counselling can help your ageing parent to express your emotions, which may be more complicated than simply missing their partner. It can be a good way to explore your feelings and help you come closer to some sort of resolution

Websites and forums provide an anonymous place where your parent can say what they really feel in total freedom and it can be a great help to speak to people who have shared similar experiences. You can always visit SHARE, our forum for help. Watch myageingparent.com’s guide to getting your ageing parent online

Social life

It may take time for your elderly relative to adjust to major changes in their life, but you can help them to socialise by asking them the following questions:

• What have they done in the past that they would like to do again?
• Are there some activities they have never done but would like to try?
• Would it help if they could take up an activity with someone else? Taking up a new hobby can be interesting and a great way to meet new people
• Would they like to carry on learning? They can learn something practical, or study simply for the pleasure of knowing something new
• Have they ever thought of volunteering? Do they have skills that could help other people? Helping others can remind them that they have something to offer
• Would they like to be more active? They may enjoy walking or doing aqua aerobics
  
• If your ageing parent is used to going on an annual holiday, or taking day trips with their partner, they may feel nervous about travelling on their own.
• Maybe they can travel with a friend, or there may be local community groups organising coach tours or train trips. There are also holidays for older single travellers. Various companies arrange holidays for the over-50s.
• Travel agents can help, or you can search on-line. Your parent can also stay with a host family abroad and offer them accommodation with them in return by joining an exchange organisation
• Have they thought about getting a pet? If they can cope with a pet and like animals, they can provide untold levels of love and companionship

If you want to share any ideas on this topic, visit SHARE, our forum