Your guide to dating and remarriage in later life
They say “You’re never too old to fall in love” and it seems to be true. Just take George Kirby and Doreen Luckie, who dated and got married on 13 June 2015 with a combined age of 194 years! George (103) and Doreen (94) have known each other for 27 years and George popped the question on Valentine’s Day this year.
They are now not only Britain’s oldest newly-weds, but they have also just overtaken a French couple with a combined age of 190 who previously held the Guinness World Record for the oldest newly married couple.
Importance of romance
It seems that George and Doreen are not alone. The Guardian published an article recently giving the heartwarming real-life stories of three couples who have fallen in love in their 80s.
According to the latest figures on marriage from the Office for National Statistics, between 2011 and 2012 the largest percentage increase in the number of marriages was for men and women aged 65 to 69, rising by 25% and 21% respectively.
An online survey run in 2012 by Age UK found that two-thirds of over-65s think it’s important to have a romantic companion, and that one in eight people polled aged 65 and over were seeking a new relationship and 62% believe it’s important to have a romantic partner as they grow older. The survey revealed that what people in later life want is someone special to share their life with, to keep them mentally stimulated, provide friendly physical contact, and to ease feelings of loneliness.
Feeling connected to and loved by someone is important for people’s mental and physical health. Sadly, separation, divorce, or the death of a long-term spouse or partner can mean terrible loneliness and social isolation, especially if the rest of the family live far away. Around 3.5 million people aged 65 and over live alone in the UK, and nearly 70% of these are women.
Role of family and friends
Interestingly, nearly a quarter (23%) of those polled in the Age UK survey said they were concerned how their children would react if they started a new relationship. However, family and friends seem to play a vital role in helping older people find love and companionship as nearly half (48%) said they relied on other people as matchmakers. One in six (17%) of the over-65s who took part were willing to try dating websites
So how can you help an older parent or relative meet their new soulmate?
It takes a long time for people to grieve over a lost relationship and partner, so it’s vital that they are given time and space to process their feelings. Even if they believe they are ready to move on, the prospect of dating again can be daunting. Once you know they’re ready and willing to meet someone knew, there are several things you can do to help:
- Look at the extended network of family friends – often romances can grow from deep friendships. Casual get-togethers can often be a good way to start socialising.
- Encourage your older relatives to pursue activities they will enjoy. They could join social, sporting or special interest clubs where they could not only meet new people with shared interests but just might meet that special someone.
- Research and book an escorted holiday with a reliable company.
- If your older parent is still mobile and energetic, volunteering in a charity shop or a local community centre might be a useful way of feeling useful, boosting confidence, and meeting people.
- Day care centres that offer regular social interaction can also be a good place to start meeting new people for those older parents who are out of the habit of getting out and about.
- If your older relative is in a care home, understand that friendships can blossom into romances. Try to be supportive. It can sometimes be difficult for family members to accept that their loved ones have begun a new relationship but if it’s making them happy, and is consensual, let it be.
- If your older parent is willing to subscribe to an internet dating service, but is not computer savvy, then you can help search for suitable sites and generally guide them through the process so they feel safe at every step of the way.
- And if they do have a date, take them out for the day shopping for new clothes, glasses, or a trip to the hairdressers or barbers to help them look their best.
Online dating for older people
Dating websites are no longer the sole preserve of the young, as more and more specialist sites aimed specifically at the 50+ and 60+ age groups have sprung up in recent years. Some operate on a subscription basis, others are free, or charge for certain services, so it pays to do your research.
Some well-established specialist dating sites include MyLovelyParent, which encourages people to recommend their 50+ single parents for dates.
One older couple who made the news in January 2015 were John and Judith Humphreys, who married at 84 and 81, respectively after meeting each other online through a dating service. Both had previously been married for 50 years and then widowed. Both had also been on unsuccessful dates via the dating service before Judith’s daughter spotted John’s profile. So, the moral of the story is – if at first you don’t succeed……
Be creative!
It might also pay to be a bit more creative in your efforts to help your older parent. A fabulous example of this is the beautiful and touching video called Looking For Adam, made by Alex Lyndgaas for his 64-year old mum Eva.
We’ve partnered with mylovelyparent.com to bring you the chance to help your older relative to find love or companionship. If you’d like to find out more, just fill in the form below and they will be in touch.
If you have a story to share about an older parent’s romance, we’d love you to share it on our Facebook page HERE.
You might also find these articles helpful:
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